Beyond productivity

What burnout truly reveals and why coming back to "how it was before" isn't the answer

I’ve been working in Big Tech & startups for the past 12 years and experienced first-hand the effects of both personal wounding playing in my work (and life), as well as systemic challenges that enable (and encourage!) workaholism, people-pleasing & other unhealthy coping behaviours.

Originally, I hadn’t been thinking of writing this, but the moment came when I met with my ex-colleague from Google - we both had already left by then - and he told me it’d be good to write my story down before I forgot. 8 months later after I quit, I’m a bit out of the woods of burnout, but it is still raw.

I’m still dealing with the longer-term consequences of multi-year chronic exhaustion, still getting triggered by some keywords (like “operations”), shrug when I think of 8-10-hour workdays, and my gut twists in a knot when I remember these daily 6-hour back-to-back online meetings.

What I did mean to write was an article on burnout, but I came to realise that just one article wouldn’t be enough to write about everything I wanted on the topic. As a nearly graduated somatic psychotherapist with my own deeply felt experience, and thus deep compassion and interest in exploring the topic from both the perspective of modern science and ancient wisdom, it was increasingly difficult to fit all the angles & provide the depth I wanted in a 1000-word document.

It’s through reconnecting with my body that I started to understand what burnout really is and how to start healing from it. This is why I approach burnout through not only an intellectual, but also a somatic lens - because your body already knows what your mind is trying to suppress. The exhaustion, the gut knots, the triggers - these aren't obstacles to overcome, they're messengers showing you the way out.

So here I am, in a Balinese coffee shop (of all places - how cliché!), opening this chapter of deeper exploration & sharing my personal story, which, I hope, resonate with others experiencing low energy or dissatisfaction with their jobs or careers.

Why does it matter?

To me back then it was clear that most people around are burned out (a recent study by Lenny Rachitsky & Noam Segal shared data showing that 84% of tech workers feel burned out!), experiencing anxiety and chronic fatigue. But what you see on the surface as burnout may actually be a symptom of deeper psychological issues.

Among many consequences with huge impact down the line, this can exacerbate unhealthy coping mechanisms such as addictions, which set the trap for an individual. What they do is give people temporary relief from their pain and provide a moment of disconnection from themselves and their difficult reality, which leaves people stuck in a hamster wheel longer. (The hamster wheel is otherwise known in tech as a “golden cage”, a rather financially comfortable environment which seems “stable” with a monthly paycheck coming on the 25th and a promise of a good future with a reputable employer - where an individual still realises that this job doesn’t fulfill their purpose, align with their values or serve their mental health in the best way).

I know, #firstworldproblems. So many people struggle in this world, and the privileged techies’ burnout doesn’t look important when most of the world’s population still lives below the poverty line. But hear me out: given how fast technology’s changing the world, these techies are actually capable of making decisions that lead the global direction, and can change it for the better. As long as they’re healthy, live & work in integrity and are driven by good values. None of the good things come from depletion, chronic exhaustion & fear. And for sure, absolutely everyone in every profession deserves to feel valued, aligned and fulfilled. I can speak here of techies because this is the crowd I’m closest to (as well as other high-stress environments like finance or law) - but the issues & emotions we experience are universal. I hope this can be relatable to more of you struggling with burnout out there.

Ultimately, the answer to the question of why this is important goes much further than just “being productive at work again” (as I hear often as the main concern). While it’s a pressing issue, of course, as we usually want to keep our lives “as they were”, or “just come back to how it was before” - the bigger question we should be asking is, what truth does burnout reveal about my life?

Burnout is usually a symptom of a deeper issue (or a few of these) that lies underneath, the one we either didn’t consciously notice before, or unconsciously decided to suppress & not to look into.

The truth is, these suppressed emotions don’t go away. We know from quantum physics that energy doesn’t disappear - it gets redistributed, and it’s certainly true of the massive energy we generate in our bodies that comes in a form of emotions, stays in the body as sensations, and gets stuck as blockages or diseases if we don’t allow it to complete its natural cycle & pass through, with our full attention, respect and resilience.

The good news is, even if it feels really heavy right now, it’s possible to gradually learn how to recognise & name your emotions and let them pass through. Here’s how to start reconnecting with them.

Mini-practice: “the shuttle”

Here’s one of my favourite quick tools that I used as I was learning to reconnect with my emotions. I usually used it in-between work meetings to recalibrate and reset my nervous system - it really can take 3 minutes to do - getting mental & emotional clarity back before my next meeting or after a particularly stressful one.

It’s so short you really have no excuse not to do it. And it’s discreet enough even if you’re in the middle of a crowded office space.

Here’s how:

• Close your eyes, put your feet on the ground, deep breath in-out, then

• Focus on all noises around you in your room; then in the apartment; outside on the street; further out in the city (expanding the scope gradually)

• Notice the smells around you

• Feel the touch of air & clothes on your skin

• Then ask yourself: which emotions am I feeling right now? Where are they in my body?

  • (Bonus: ...can you stay with this sensation for a little bit longer without changing it?)

• And what do I want to do right now?

When your reconnect with your lived experience, when the nervous system is recalibrated - what comes to the surface is your authentic need based on your body’s most intelligent system. The key is to then do what your system asks you to do.

Maybe doing it *right now* isn’t possible - then make a commitment to yourself to do it later in the day. Your nervous system (and your stakeholders 😉 - you’ll see!) will thank you for it!

I lovingly call it a “shuttle”. Let me know if you try it & what comes up for you!

See you in the next chapters x